Leaving nothing but regrets
by Shuichi Aoyagi
Summary: Shuichi's actions have gone to far, and Yuki decides to leave Shuichi. What will Shuchi do to get back his lover? Will Yuki come back or leave Shuichi for good?...
1. Chapter 1

_**Nothing but my thought's of you...**_

_**They say dreams could come true if you don't tell anyone about them. Could that work for nightmares too…?**_

"Yuki wait for me please don't leave me...YUKI!!

There I was in the dark flaming ablaze. There we both stand in the flames of hell. Yuki only a few steps away from me, but yet I couldn't reach him.

"Yuki wait"!!!

I cried out to him, but it seemed my words couldn't reach him. He couldn't hear me; suddenly Yuki turns around to face me. Looking at me with those golden eyes of his, that seem to shine like the sun in this fiery hell. Yuki stares at me with a sadness in his eyes and, then says to me in a gentle voice…

"Good-bye… Shuichi"

The flames become wild as everything went black, then my eyes suddenly opening to reality.

_Huh?_

I blink a couple of times realizing I woke from a dream.

_Oh good it was all a dream...huh? Wait I can hear someone's voice…_

I woke up to the sound of voices, as I try to figure out whose voice it was. I realized that the voice was Yuki. I suddenly got really happy that Yuki was back. I didn't say nothing yet, and just lay there listening. It soon came to me who the other voice was; it was Satoshi. The guy Yuki goes out to drink with sometimes. Satoshi seemed like an okay guy, but kind of a womanizer. He and Yuki only started to hang out since three weeks ago when they met at some novel thing. Satoshi and Yuki continue to talk about their night they had; as I just lay their on the couch. Continue to pretend to be a sleeping, and listened to their conversation, as they sat on the other couch.

"Hey Yuki I got a question for you, are you going out with that girl you kissed tonight? You know the ugly one?

"Shut up Satoshi"

I didn't know what the hell was going on as they talked away. I was too shocked, heartbroken and hurt to what I just heard. Not knowing what to do I got up and left the living room, going in to the bathroom. I just zoomed right passed them, closing the door as I entered the bathroom. My back against the door as, I slide down putting my hands to my face. Tears began to fall with this overwhelming pain inside of me.

_Oh Yuki why would you do that to me why? What did I do wrong? _

These questions entered my head that spanned around in my mind. I hoped Yuki would come to check up on me. I wiped away my tears telling my self _it's alright_, _Yuki loves me_. But how much longer was I going to pretend that every think was alright. How long could I keep this up and continue to smile? I wiped away at my face trying to get rid of my tears, but they could stop falling no matter how my times I tried to get rid of them.

_If Yuki sees me crying he's going to get mad at me…_

Its true Yuki always did get mad, but I don't know why he said that he hated to see me cry and, then would walk away. I wish I knew the reason why he hated seeing my tears. I wanted to stop crying for him, but I couldn't… cause the pain inside my heart was too much for me to stand. I couldn't think of being with any one else, but him…

_Why would he do it when he knew I loved him so much? Why would he want to hurt me why? why?!_

Everything that was going thought my mind at that moment, was all the happy memories, but why was I crying… with these doubts...? Why couldn't I just tell him how I feel? Why couldn't I just do that? Why was I so afraid of telling him how I feel…?

_Sigh what I'm I going to do…? …Yuki…_

"Shiuchi"

My sense became alert when I heard my name being called by the guy named Satoshi. I sat there on the bathroom floor wondering why he was standing in front of the bathroom.

"Um… Shiuchi"?

He knocks on the bathroom. I don't even bother to answer him.

"Shiuchi do you need to talk about something or is there something wrong"?

He says as if he knew me.

_Yeah right I would what to talk to you I don't even know you... It's not you I want to talk to anyway..._

The person I really wanted to talk to was Yuki even if he didn't want to hear me. I could hear Satoshi turning the doorknob, but I didn't give him a chance to open it, I just quickly locked the door. I could still fell Satoshi's presences, and this was getting on my nerves.

"I'm alright I just needed to use the washroom…"

My voice was weak from the crying I did. I tried not to let him know but some how he knew.

"Uh... Are you sure Shuichi?"?

"Yeah I fine…"

Once I knew he had left the hallway, I felt the bathroom and went in to my room, closing my self inside. I lay on my bed and looked up at the ceiling as I cried thinking of Yuki.

_**Knock knock**_

_Huh someone's at the door?_

"Uh Shuichi…"

_It's Yuki…! But I don't know what to say to him… My eyes aren't back to normal. What if he sees me like this?!_

I stopped crying as Yuki wait for me to respond to him.

"I'm fine Yuki I'm just really tired that's all"

.._Yuki I'm sorry... _

That was what I wanted to say but the words couldn't come out. After I heard Yuki's footsteps walk way, I started to cry again. My mind was blank suddenly the thoughts came from the darkness of my heart.

_I'm so stupid why I can't just say what I wanted to say! Why couldn't I just let him know what I feeling? Why the hell I'm being too weak?!_

Suddenly a thought had struck me and I become frozen.

_What if Yuki left me?!_

Like the dream I had. I couldn't think like that I have to stay positive. Suddenly there was a warm liquid that came down my face.

_No Yuki can't leave I care about him too much, for that to happen...I know Yuki loves me or he wouldn't stay. _

That was what I wanted to think but the darkness took over me as the tears started to flow like a running river down my face. All positive thoughts had left my mind and I sunk to the darkness of my heart.

_No Yuki! Why would you leave! I care about you!! I matter right?! You never said you would leave!! Yuki!!_

Before I knew it the darkness had consumed me. And my thoughts began to blur in to the darkness where the devil dwelled.

_I might as well give up since Yuki seems to not care about me. Ok then I won't… I won't continue to be such an annoying idiot that you always call me. I will just become a shadow to you like I always was in the first place._

There was nothing else I could think of, and so I decided to call Yuki and talk to him before I said good-bye for good. I opened the door of my room, and then calling out his name.

"Y-Yuki…Yuki could you please come here"!

I called for him my voice a little crackly but I called him. At first he didn't come then minutes later he comes to me. He enters the room closing the door behind him, and like always it's the same thing he say's, the same thing he does.

"What do you want"?

He says in an annoyed tone, looking at me as I faced away from him. My Body started to shake, and then suddenly the worlds just started to come out like a car going a full speed.

"Yuki I'm sorry...I love you...I just hope that person your dating makes you happy because I'm happy for you… See I'm **smiling**…"

Turning around I looked at him with a smile as, tears fell down my face like the rain drops that fell on the window.

_Yuki...Yuki ... Yuki..._ Was all I could think of as, Yuki stands there in silence. I look at him as he turned away from me, and then saying the words that I thought that he would never say?

"Sorry for ever being born"

A shock went though my face as I tried to understand what he said, but it made no sense to me.

_What?! Why would you say that why would you say that. To me it makes no sense._

"Yuki wait!"

Before I could do anything he was gone with the door closed behind him. I ran out of the room knowing that he was in the hallway. I knew there was something wrong and I had to find out if he's alright.

"Yuki wait what's wrong I want to help please tell me! YUKI are you listening! Tell me what's wrong"!! I'm here for you!! I was wrong I didn't mean what I said I'm alright!!! YUKI SAY SOMETHING!!!

He just continued to walk away as Satoshi continued to wonder what the hell was going on. I know that Yuki didn't want me to be doing this but I could help it. I wanted to help him; even if hearing the answer would hurt me. Yuki continued to ignore me, but I continued to ask him as he got more and more angry. It didn't matter I wanted to know I had to. I always seem to do this to Yuki but what he was about to do was something he had never done. Yuki grabbed his coat and then whispered something in his friend's ear, and suddenly headed for the door. I knew what he was think he was going to leave! I could let him go not when we were like this. Not when I was still hurting inside.

"Yuki wait please don't leave!! wait!! why are you so mad at me!! wait Yuki...YUKIII"!

"Shut up Stupid brat you're so annoying! I don't want to tell you anything got it. I don't care! get that thought your stupid head"!!

He turns to look at me. I looked at Yuki in shock that he would say that. That the time I wanted to cry, but this time I can't I needed to help him. Even if before I said I was going to give up on Yuki I couldn't, I just can't stop loving him! I love him to much. I ran in front of the door stopping Yuki from leaving as, my body shakes in fear of what I might do next

"Get out of my way **Shuichi**"!

_Damn it I'm just getting him angrier… what I'm I suppose to do? _

There was nothing but my thoughts as I stood in front of that door. Suddenly there was a grab abounded my neck… it was Satoshi!

"What the hell let me go"!!

"No! Yuki wants to leave and you're just being annoying, and getting in the way"!

Satoshi held on to my away from the door as, Yuki started to head out the door. Not knowing what to do I panic and did the think of what I was doing; when I find myself biting Satoshi. Satoshi let me go to hold he's hand that was in pain; suddenly Yuki yelled.

"Why the hell did you do that for you damn brat"?!

I was confused as well…

_Why did I do that_? _Eww disgusting!_

Yuki looked at me as he questioned my actions. I looked back at him grinning.

"Heh I thought you didn't care Yuki"?

The anger in his eye was the look he gave me a hundred of times, but for some reason this was a different look then the other countless looks he had gave me before. This look scared me as it stabbed me a thousand times right in to my heart. I froze in my tracks think Yuki might hit me. I closed my eyes to see only darkness.

Nothing else came to mind as they walk out but before I could stop them they and realized that they where already gone.

"No Yuki please don't leave I'm sorry I really am! Please don't leave I don't want to be hurt any more"!

Was all I could say? I quickly ran to go and get my bike thinking maybe I could catch him_._ I raced down the street looking for a red car, but I couldn't really see anything it was raining and I was getting all wet. I would race down streets to find nothing, then I thought of what places he would go to. So I when to search for him where he might be, but nothing. All I could think of was that he had left me for good and he was never coming back. I started to cry as I headed towards Hiro's place. I need someone to talk to someone to tell me what I should do.

_**Oh Yuki where are...Please don't leave me I just wanted you to be happy. Is it because I'm a guy at you don't like me anymore? Did I do something wrong? I love you so much Yuki! **_

As thoughts covered my mind in sorrow and despair, there was nothing else I could think of was that...Yuki was gone. I must have been really stupid to mess up big time for Yuki to leave. Tears ran down my face as my body got colder then ice it's self. I looked to the sky in to the darkness of the night smiling.

"Heh funny how it's raining when I'm crying, at lest people would know that... I'm crying..."

_**To Be Continued…**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Nothing but Blame**_

_**I couldn't just let it go I had to go over the limits. I just couldn't leave him be, and now I'm regretting what I have done. I just wanted to… Wait what exactly was I trying to prove?**_

"So are you going to tell me what is wrong or are you just going to sit there"?

Hiro say's me as he looks out the window in to the night rain. I dried myself off with the towel Hiro gave me. He looks at me waiting for an answer as; I just looked towards the floor.

My eyes where still hurting from the tears I cried that night. I wanted to tell Hiro I wanted to tell him Yuki had left me, but I couldn't…no it's not that I couldn't it's just that I was trying to forget. Forget the fact that he was gone and it was my fault. To for get everything that had happened that night.

I could still hear Yuki's voice in my mind he's voice went over and over like a broken radio. I was lost in my mind as the darkness slowly started to become apart of me.

My clothes were all still wet and I was worried for Yuki. I didn't know what to do I couldn't think of a life with out him. No I couldn't even imagine it with out him.

I had to tell Hiro maybe Hiro could help me. I finally spoke but I was still shaking from when I was riding my bike looking for Yuki. I had using all my energy trying to find Yuki to just find nothing.

"Hiro…..Yuki…Yuki left me…"

There was nothing just silence and nothing else.

I still continued to look down hoping I wouldn't cry hoping that this was all a bad dream, hoping that Yuki would come back. I just sat there as Hero came and sat down besides me.

"Shuichi…"

Suddenly I broke apart right there like shedder glass that would become me. Hiro looks at me with sadness and pity as he comforts me.

"Shuichi"

"It… It was all my fault if I didn't keep on asking him what was wrong he would still be here….He would had never left…"

I knew I was right I knew that but I just could help but blame myself for everything…

"I always have to know and ask stupid questions."

_There always has to be an answer for me! Why could I just continued to pretend that everything was fine, but no I just couldn't I…just….Yuki I'm sorry…. Why? Why?_

The car had crashed in my mind when I realized that I was the problem. I was the pathetic mess in Yuki's life I was the one who was holding him back from everything.

_Why is it so wrong to love the one you love? Why I can't be happy_?!

I wiped away my tears that fell one by one, but they just would stop the tears continued to fall just like the rain outside. Hiro looked at me with sadness in his eyes to see his best friend that was always cheerful to suddenly be in despair.

"Shuichi… You didn't do anything wrong... Shuichi"

I wanted to believe what he had said, but I couldn't stop felting so guilty. I loved Yuki so much I wouldn't want to hurt him or anything. All I wanted to do was help Yuki if I could do just that then every think will be alright. I would be fine if Yuki was happy with me.

I wiped away my tears and got up…I didn't want to bug Hiro anymore then I already did. I was such a burden to him no not just him but to everyone, especially Yuki.

"Sorry Hiro but you must be so tired I will go back home ok"…

I looked at him with a smile like everything was alright. I didn't want to be a burden anymore… Hiro had his own life he **didn't** **need someone like me** in it.

"Wait Shuichi… Are you sure you don't want me to walk you"?

He asks with worry on his face about to reach out to me but I quickly turned and gave him a smile. The one of a hundred of fake smiles I give to people hoping they would take it and don't ask any questions.

"Yeah Hiro I'm fine… I just needed to talk to someone. You know to just let it out… I'm alright now…"

_I'm Sorry Hiro sorry I was ever a burden to you…_

That was what I had thought deep down inside knowing that no one would ever know. To me I was a burden that people would pretend to like me, but really it was a lie.

I know that Hiro was there for me, and he would listen, but it's just not his voice that I wanted to hear.

Not that Hiro was a bad friend or any think I just wanted to be alone. No that would be a lie. I didn't want to be alone but with Yuki. I wanted Yuki to tell it was alright and that he was there for me. That's all.

I turned to look at Hiro with a smile and showing that I was alright when every thing I was doing was a lie.

"Everything is alright Hiro I just need some sleep ok"…

Hiro backed off and I continued to walk towards the door, but before I could even get to the door my vision began to blur making every thing so fussy.

My mind was still in the darkness of my own heart as I slowly become apart of it. All I ever want to say to Yuki was that I'm sorry….

"Yuki… I'm sorry"

**Thump **

"SHUICHI"!!

That was the last thing I heard, and the last thing I said before I fell to the floor. My eyes started to close as Hiro grabbed me calling me, but it was too late I was already gone…

_**To Be Continued…… **_


	3. Chapter 3

_**The call that he had waited for**_

_**My dreams or even reality couldn't even reach me. In my mind I was known as a burdened. To the one I love and to everyone else around me… Can I say good-bye? **_

There was nothing I could do. There was really nothing anyone else could do because; I was in love with him...

Tonight was the worst thing I could have done or, a matter of a fact it was entirely my fault. Everything was my fault, my stupidly got the better of me. My emotions over powered me and worst of all I think I might have lost the love of my life. People say love can over power anything but, it was love that got me depressed and lost. What was I think when I had seen the hatred in he's eyes or was it really hate? It doesn't matter now he's gone… Yuki had left me, alone in the darkness. With nothing but, tears to keep me warm. Knowing this pain inside me tells me I'm alive but, right now I wish I wasn't at this very moment.

_Shuichi..._

_Huh? Whose voice is that? I know it from somewhere...is that..._

"Yuki..."

My eyes slowly opened as I notice that it wasn't Yuki, but my dear friend...Hiro...

"Oh...It's you Hiro..."

I looked away from him in disappointment that it wasn't Yuki. I didn't know what I was doing at Hiro's place but my mind was pounding.

"Hiro what happened... I don't really remember what happen or…how I got here..."

I could see the sun outside coming up or I thought it was...I looked at Hiro in confusion but at the same time I was trying to fight my memories of how I got here...Suddenly it came to me, everything came back to me at that moment.

"Shuichi are you alright...Last night you were going to leave but you suddenly blacked out. I'm guessing that you go sick while you were in the rain last night. You slept all day, the day is over you know"

_What I had slept all day…_

I looked at Hiro, as my mind was still processing the details of all that happened last night. Flashes of what happened last night went though my mind as I began to feel the sadness again. I wanted to go home but was scared to see Yuki there or to see nothing there. I would be alone, but still I need to go home I could stay at Hiro's it just didn't seem right.

"I'm fine Hiro… I just need to...go home and rest a little bit more… okay"

Hiro looks at me worried but I smiled at him. To help him stop his worry. Hiro was my best friend I didn't want him to worry about me. Even if I really wasn't alright. That night Hiro let me go home even so I was still feeling crappy even if I slept all day. When I reached home that's when the rain had started again. It seemed like every think was still the same as when I had left. I closed the door and walked to the couch and sat down in the dark. As I turned my head looking at the kitchen, suddenly there I seen it on the table nicely sitting there, the knife that would help me ends this pain inside of being alone. The rain continued to fall on the window, as the city sparkled with its lively lights, as the sky had a dark glow. Getting up and walking to the window, I glanced outside hoping to see him as tears ran down my face. Trying to forget about suicide. I looked back at the knife that seemed to shine more then the lights outside.

Warm liquid continued to fall down my face as I walked over to the table slowly. My mind went clouded and I was consumed by the darkness that sank deep in to me. Not knowing what I was doing and at a total blank I grabbed the knife, suddenly I started to cut at random in every direction on my left wrist. I could stopped every thought that went thought my head was about Yuki. Every time he had said "_**I love you**_" it was a lie, all a lie that kept me believing that he was telling me the truth. With such words said to me with a kiss every time.

_Now I see he was just playing with me I was nothing to him this whole time_._ I was just a mess up to him; I'm just nothing to him…_

Those where the thoughts that went through my head, as I was slowly killing myself; the blood had become like a river that swam down dripping nicely from my open wounds it felt nice with the warm liquid dropping to the floor.

Suddenly I hear a ring a loud ringing coming from the phone.

'_Ring ring_'

I had woke up from the darkness and then looked at the phone that was still ringing I didn't want to answer it. I was scared to answer it.

_What if it's Yuki? If it is I'm too scared to answer, and if not Yuki I don't really want to talk to anyone else, but if it was Yuki. No I can't think like that Yuki is gone and he's not coming back but...but… I want to talk to Yuki so much just to know, if he hates me or if he still ...loves me._

I walked to it as I picked it up hoping a little that it might be Yuki hoping that he wouldn't say good bye if it was Yuki.

"H-Hello? ...Who is this"?

There was nothing at first but, then.

"Um...Shuichi… I'm going to be staying at a friend's tonight..."

_It was Yuki!_

The shock went across my face as I smiled, then more tears came down my face but, I couldn't say anything I was scared but happy. Scared to say anything but happy that it was Yuki that called. The blood dripped on to the floor as I held the phone in my other hand.

"Um well I guess this is good-bye"

As those words were said my life seemed to go crashing down like every thing seemed like it was a nightmare. This was a nightmare!

"Yuki wait I-I love you"!

I cried in to the phone before I heard it click, Yuki didn't say anything and hanged up.

My body felt weak as I fell to the ground. Only the warmth of my tears and the blood from my wrist seemed to keep me warm other then that, my entire body felt cold and lifeless.

On that horrible night when the rain would fall only in the darkness you would only see a weeping boy that cried for his lover to come back...

_**...To Be Continued...**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Tainted sacrifices**_

_**Why was it that I was the one always waiting for you? Even if I cried you didn't care at all. Why was it like that? Weren't we happy before? Before I really started to care, and think that I was going to lose you…**_

It had been over four days since you had left me to die in this cold lonely house. The house where we would love each other, and where we would be... _**together**_. Time it's self still continued on even if I felt like I was about to die. About to go in to the deep depths of my dark heart that you have shattered, and it seemed that you didn't care at all about my sadness.

_Where did I go wrong I was just worried? I didn't mean for this to happen! I never expected this to happen. It's entirely my __**fault!!**_

Those where the type of thoughts that went through my head, and my heart for the pasts days. Through theses days I did nothing, but just cry in my lover's bed. I remembered that I would wake up in the morning, as the sun shined through the window, and I would see him there sleeping. I would just sneak by his bed then sit on the floor. Afterwards I would be looking at him, and smile, then say in a whisper..."_I love you Yuki..." _

But it seemed theses days were long gone, and more like a deceased dream that I wished to happened. A dream that couldn't ever happen again. No longer did I see the world as a harmless place, but as a place were people would suffer like I did. On that day I cried like, as if this was a normal routine for me. I didn't know what time or what day it was, but I did remember what I had said over and over again. Hoping that Yuki; my dear lover would come through that door, and hold me in his arms apologizing to me. Expressing his regret of leaving me. I continued to say over and over again...

"_I'm sorry Yuki...I love you..._

_I'm sorry Yuki...I love you..._

_I'm sorry Yuki...I love you..."_

Over and over again I would say that, as the tears came running down my face, and the blood dripped and dripped over my wrists on to the floor. My tears seemed to never stop; my mind was blank, and I continued to say "_I'm sorry Yuki...I love you..." _as if I was in a toddler lockdown. My eyes slowly closed, and my mouth slowly went in to an undisturbed state. Was my body dying or was I going in to deep consciousness?

_**Ding Dong...Ding dong...**_

The door bell rang as the person at the door continued to wait for the person inside to answer. But the one at the door didn't know that the person inside could be at deaths bed, because of the amount of blood he had lost. With worry on his mind he entered without waiting for someone to come, and welcoming him in.

"Hello Shuichi are you here..."

He says in confusion wondering where Shuichi Shindou was. As he walked in uninvited and looked around hoping to see he's dear friend smiling face. But what had seemed to be hoping for a face he soon founded as he walks in further. Was not a face but bits of blood on the floor which leaded to a room? Frightened he raced to the room hoping that he wasn't too late, and regretting that he had never let Shindou go that night.

**BANG!!**

The door swung opened as Hiro stood there with a freighting look on his face. Suddenly shock went across his face as he had seen Shuichi Shindou; his dear friend lay on the bed. The trail of blood had led to him as Hiro soon found out where the blood had come from. Hoping that Shuichi wasn't dead he ran to him yelling out his name.

"SHUICHI!!!"

Tears began to flow down his face fearing that he might be dead he shouted out his name again. Desperately hoping that he was just an unconscious. Shuichi didn't move or say anything, but just laved there. The contemplation of Shuichi's eyes was swollen from the many tears he has cried.

Hiro gazed over at Shuichi as he cried thinking that he was dead.

"Oh Shuichi I knew that I shouldn't have let you go that night...but I was careless and now. Now..."

Poor Hiro couldn't finish what he started to say for if he did he might of vomit. He continued to cry as he's head was down in regret...

_**What darkness was there in the world of the unloved, and the ones that regretted? **_

_Who is calling to me...I know this voice. I know it. But yet I can't see there face. What's this did something warm fall on my face? Something warm did fall on my face it's watery too. What is going on I don't understand? _

"Shuichi..."

_I know who that is! It's Hiro but why does it sound like he's...crying?_

Shuichi Shindou slowly opened his eyes but there seemed to be a little light coming for somewhere. What was this light he didn't know because he's eyes were still hurting from all the crying he had done. As his eyes opened he founded Hiro beside him in tears with his head down on the bed. Shuichi was shocked and confused to find his best friend here beside him, but he was confused to why he was crying.

"Hiro...w-why are you c-crying"

As Shuichi says in a low tone with worry. Hiro couldn't believe it, but he was happy that he didn't die. As he heard that voice he looks up to see Shuichi's eyes a bit opened with a sad face on.

"S-Shuichi? Your alive?"

_HUH?! Hiro did you think I was dead?_

Shuichi then remember what he had done to himself and looked at his left wrist were the blood was slowly drying. Suddenly Hiro leaps up and give Shuichi a hug.

"SHUICHI YOU IDIOT! WHY THE HELL...WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS!! DID YOU NOT THINK YOU MIGHT NOT BE MISSED?!...YOU FUCKIN' SCARED ME!"

Hiro's words pierced Shuichi's heart as he remembers why he had done so to his self...

"It was because of Yuki...Hiro...That's why I did it that's why I deceived everyone. But I never thought that anyone would come looking for me..."

I looked at Hiro as my eyes started to water with a warmth that seemed to be so familiar. I didn't even understand why I was crying in the first place. Was it what Hiro said or was it what I said?

"Hiro...I'm sorry… I-I didn't even really know what I was doing at the time...I was just so frustrated and in so much ...I don't know what to do if Yuki isn't here with me...Hiro what I'm I going to do?!"

It was true I didn't know what to think or do because of Yuki. I love Yuki so much I just don't know what to do. I was in a big mess that I needed to figure out before I really did lose it.

There Hiro was worried sick over me, and just not to long ago he thought that I was dead. I knew if I continued to go down this road of depression I would soon disappear. That's not an option for me because I still wanted to become a famous singer or at least that's what I still thought I wanted. Hiro wiped away his tears as I patted him on the head apologizing to him, and smiled. This wasn't one of my smiles that were fake but then again it wasn't my real smile at all. It's just when I looked at him I didn't know what kind of face to give him, and of course I was still really up set that Yuki was gone.

The day was pasting by as Hiro stayed around I guess he was scared I might try to commit suicide again. Even so I never knew of the day to come when I would see Yuki again but this time it might be for the last.

It had been over two days that Hiro founded me in me pathetic stage of depression. Hiro fixed up my cuts and bandaged it up. I didn't do much just sleep most of the time as Hiro continued to stay around, and kept me company. I didn't really know what time it was I was guessing that it was around ten.

I was still sleeping at the time and my eyes were still hurting from my crying. Even if Hiro was here I couldn't stop crying no matter what I just couldn't. My eyes slowly began to hurt as the sun shined through Yuki's window in to Yuki's old room. I don't know what it was but I felt like I had to wake up. I don't know if it was my dream or the fact that it might be the sun that shined through Yuki's window. I did remember waking up earlier that morning but this time it was different.

My eyes opened a little cause of the fact that they were hurting but, suddenly I seen a black figure. Standing at the front of my door. The way it stood it looked familiar; even in my mind was still thinking of Yuki. Thinking and hoping...to see him...to hug him.

The figure moved a little and walked towards me, but I was still in a sleepy state, I opened my eyes a little bit more to try and make out the figure, Suddenly I realized who and what it was and leaped up.

It was...YUKI!!

But before I had realized who it was that seemed to stare at me with such sad eyes, but to get close enough to touch his hand. He had disappeared as if I was imaging it, but still I yelled out his name...

_**"YUKI...WAIT!!"**_

_This can't be a dream I really did see him there. I know I did. I had seen Yuki. Yuki was here I know. Yuki...YUKI!!_

My mind was shocked as my heart raced harder and harder. I know what I had seen, and hoping that I would see it again. I didn't know what to think but just that I got to see him again. I waited and waited for him to come back and look at me or at least say...good-bye to my face. Even if those aren't the words I was looking for, but I would get to hear that voice I love so much. Suddenly my waiting subsided and there he was in a blink of an eye he was there looking at me as if he was about to cry. My dreams have been answered even if he might still be mad at me, but I didn't care as long as I got to see him once more.

"Yuki..."

_**To Be Continued...**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Do I have to cry for you?**_

_**Don't want to close the door. Don't want to say "Good-bye". Don't want to find no more. We'll find away around it. Where's the love we had? Tell me what I got to do.**_

_**To make this last…**_

"Yuki"

I couldn't believe it there he was standing there. My dream of him being here with me I couldn't believe it but there he was. I wanted to cry, I wanted to embrace him. I wanted to hear his voice.

"So where's my hug"?

My mind became full with a sudden happiness and I got up and ran to him, embracing him. As I embraced him my body began to shake.

"Yuki… I thought you were never going to come back… I thought you hated me…"

I couldn't say anything I couldn't do anything but just hold him close. I could hear his heart echo in my ear as my heart pounded.

"I'm sorry Shuichi…"

_Huh?! You're apologizing? Yuki…_

"Yuki…"

I looked at him with a smile as I leaded back looking in to his eyes. Suddenly I hear a car beeping.

"Shuichi I got to go over seas to do some business…"

My heart skips a beat as I looked at him with confusion.

"Don't worry I'll be back… ok"

_Yuki I have so much to say to you. I don't want you to go…_

Yuki pulls me in to his arm hugging me, as I started to cry.

"Will you wait for me Shuichi"?

_Huh? Wait for you?_

My face goes red as I think about Yuki's words, and how happy they made me.

"Yes Yuki I'll wait…"

_I'll wait for you Yuki. I'll wait just for you, just to be with you again…_

"Well I have to go now or I'll miss my flight."

I let go of Yuki as he grabs he's bag.

"H-how long will you be?"

"Three weeks maybe"

_Three weeks…?_

Yuki turns around about to leave me alone again.

"YUKI WAIT"!!!

I grab him giving him a kiss on the cheek. I looked at him with a smile as I blushed.

"I love you Yuki…"

He didn't say anything and turning away heading towards the door, suddenly before he left the out the door, he turns around.

"I love you too Shuichi"

He says to me with a smile.

_**To Be Continued…**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Believe in hope, believe in faith or believe in nothing…**_

_**Your words melt my soul as I embrace your warm body. The ever lasting love I feel for you will never stop not as long as I still have these feelings…this life…**_

I watch Yuki walk away from my door way after he tolled me he…loved me. I'm so happy he had said that, but for some reason why do I want to cry? Why do I feel sad when he's leaving me behind?

_Yuki…_

Without me even realizing what I was doing I started to run after him.

"Yuki"!!!

I called for him as he left out the door. Yuki turns to me in surprise.

"What"?

He says a little annoyed.

"Y-you…"

I paused to thinking of what I was going to say; thinking of what would happen if I tolled him not to go… Would he get mad? Would he still go? I didn't want to get in to a fight with him again we just patch things up. I froze, and then smiled.

"JUST MAKE SURE YOU CALL ME!!!"

Yuki ginned at me with a wave and walked away to his car.

_I don't want you to go…Yuki…but I don't want you to get mad at me…Yuki._

I kept my feelings inside as I watched him drive away. I stood there alone waiting for something to happen. Wait for my Yuki to come back.

* * *

"What"?!

Hiro said a little shocked.

"Three weeks"?

"Yeah he said he was going to be back by then and I was hoping that…me and him…well yea"

"I see well I understand and the timing couldn't be any better."

_What do you mean timing? _

I looked at Hiro confused.

"What do you mea-"

Suddenly the phone rings stopping my sentence, and Hiro got up to answer it; leaving me alone on the couch.

"Hello Hiro speaking. Oh yes…Uh-huh…Well he seems well right now; ok I'll tell him now...ok bye."

He hangs up and walks back over to me.

"Who was that?"

"Oh that was K."

I became still.

"W-what did he want"

I said with a little bit of a studder in my tone.

"Well you see Shuichi we were thinking of having a tour… now."

"Now?! You mean right now"

"Yeah, well you see I was going to tell you that day I came by but you know the condition you were in I couldn't, so do you understand?"

"Oh I see…"

"It starts today and um if you don't want to go I could-"

I interrupted him.

"No it's fine plus if I skip out anymore I think K will surely kill me."

I laughed a little giving Hiro a smile.

"I'll be fine really no need to worry…'kay"

"Okay if you say so Shuichi"

Hiro looked a little concerned and knew that he was worried about me, but I just can't let my problems be a bother to anyone anymore…I just can't.

* * *

"So he bought it huh?"

"Shut up"!

"Sorry! Didn't know you were in a bad mood"

Of course Eiri Yuki was in a bad mood he just lied to his lover. Yuki was going over seas, but not to do work but something else that made him feel guilty. Guilty about how Shuichi was so happy to seeing him today, about lying to him. Nothing more they guilty and uneasy feelings surrounded Yuki's heart, and wanting to go back. His thoughts ran around in his mind making him go insane.

"Satoshi…maybe I-

"No! You're not ditching me! I know you might be feeling guilty about Shuichi but, you said it your self that he was getting annoying…Right?"

_I know I said that but…_

"Plus it might be better for him you know maybe he'll loosen up…"

Satoshi lay's back feeling relaxed and so sure of himself.

"Sigh…"

"Anyway you said you would do this for making up for that brat- I mean Shuichi for biting me"

"Shut up or I'll really kick you out Satoshi"

"Okay okay don't need to get do angry"

Oxoxo

I looked out the window of the car at was taking us to the airport were we will be living for America. Yes I was going to be touring in America. Were Yuki was going to be.

"Sigh"

_**Flash back… **_

"Where are you going to be going?"

"America"

"Really"

"Yeah I'll be going with a friend to get more information on my new book…"

"Oh I see…."

Pause

"Well I wish you luck"!

Shuichi looks at him with a smile that he wishes that he hadn't shown.

"Thanks "

Yuki smiles back in guilt.

_**End of flash back…**_

_I wish I didn't smile back but I guess I was just being support of, but I wonder why he looked so…guilty._

I gazed out in to the streets that were filled with human made technology which polluted the earth. As my memory ran over in my mind like a broken video of what Yuki had said to me…

_I love you…_

Those words make me feel happy inside, as I smiled.

"We're here Shuichi"

_Ok now off to America!_

With courage I got out in to the bright sun light that shined on me as I got out of the car. I was ready to show Yuki that I wasn't weak and that I could go on when he wasn't here. Even if Yuki wasn't here with me physically I knew he was here in my heart.

_I'm not going to give up now that I know Yuki is here with me…By myside…_

**_To Be continued..._**


	7. Chapter 7

**Was blinded by your lies**

**Time was pasting me by as I wished to see your face though my desired mind. Wishing to see you, wishing to hear you, and wishing that you would stop torching me. **

"Sigh…"

_I can't believe it that I already did three concerts. I like doing this but-_

Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by the crashing sound of Hiro coming in.

"Hey Buddy can you believe it, that we're booked tonight! "

Hiro says with a smile that went down, when finding me staring out the hotel window sighing.

"Hey what wrong? You out of most people use to be so excited about all this. What's going on?"

I give another sigh and I glance at Hiro, to just be looking out the window again.

"Nothing Hiro…I just… nothing"

I said to him, with no emotion in to my tone, like my endless beating heart, which ached for Yuki's smile. He sits besides me as, if to say something important.

"Your thinking about Yuki again aren't you?"

He says with a sigh at the end, as if that's all I think about. Which he could have been right?

"No…"

I turn towards him a little embarrassed about the thought. He glances at me.

"Right…?"

He gave a little smile while I tried to deny the fact that I was thinking of Yuki. I look back out the window.

"Yes… I'm thinking of Yuki…"

I pout a little while gazing out in to the city.

"Is that a crime…?"

"No… But this is"

Hiro lungs at me starting to tickle me, while I start to bust out laughing.

"S-Stop it Hiro… Okay I give, I give…"

I cried out while trying to push him off of me. He stops and gets off of me.

"Now that's better! That's the Shuichi I know. Now come on stop being so glum. You'll see you lover again you big idiot."

He smiles at me making me realize what a depressed fool I was being. He starts to leave and heads out the door. Closing the door I start to laugh once again.

"You're the big idiot! Ha ha…"

I wipe away the little tear I made while I was laughing.

"Stupid Hiro…"

* * *

Night time has made its way where Eiri Yuki is. And what he doesn't know is that Shuichi is staying in the same hotel he's in. Now he sits regretting ever leaving Shuichi in Japan, because of the guilt of lying to him. About his true reason of going to America, this was that he was going to cheat on him. Now he wasn't sure of what to do now that he has seen Shuichi's result of a brake down.

"Sigh"

_Why am I sighing for…? Is it because of Shuichi? _

Eiri Yuki looks out the window, as the memories of Shuichi crying, calling out to him, and then him smiling at him. They repeat in his memory, as he sits in the hotel with guilt. Yes it's a nice high class place and it doesn't really interest him at all. He just can't stop thinking about Shuichi, and what he said to him before he left. Now Yuki is stuck thinking about Shuichi and the bond they have.

_I'm deceiving Shuichi again…He thinks I'm getting information on a new book, but I'm not. It was a lie to feed him. So he wouldn't bother me, while I keep the promise I made to a friend. But now being here I can't bring myself to be as comfortable, as I was before. Cheating on Shuichi was one think before, but now seeing how much I really meant to him. I have a different view of him. If only I could understand what I should be doing. _

Yuki is contemplating about what he should do. What would be the right thing to do? The "what-if's" circle around in his mind, as the frustration continues to engulf him. And all he could think of saying to him if he ever found out is…

_Shuichi… I'm sorry…_

Yuki hears a knock at the door and goes to answer it. Opening the door to see a woman standing there in a red silk dress he greets her to come in.

_Maybe I'll do this one last time…_

He closes the door not knowing that someone was watching. Someone that he never wanted to hurt again, someone that he has been lying to and, that happened to be his lover.

* * *

_Man what an exciting night I _

_never thought that it would tier me out this much. I guess what Hiro did really cheered me up._

Finally at the hotel and ready to get some rest. Tonight was a success, but I still wish I could see Yuki.

_If only I could see him right now._

And as soon as I thought about it, as I was leaving the elevator. There he was standing there about to close the door and, disappear in to the he's room. I couldn't believe he was on the same floor I was staying at. Man what a weird coincidence.

_Yuki's here! This must be where he's doing his research for his novel. _

A smile crosses my face.

"Tee hee hee… I know I'll give him a surprise."

I started to head towards Yuki's room, ready to knock on his door.

**Knock! Knock!**

I played a little tone on the door, and then waited for Yuki to answer. I was so happy that Yuki was here. A little surprise about it, but as long as my wish came true. I dared to knocked again, but as I was about to do so, he answered. A looked of shocked crossed his face.

"What are you doing here?"

He tried saying without getting annoyed.

"Ha ha. Weird huh? That we are staying at the same hotel."

I gave Yuki a smile, while laughing at how it was such a coincident that we were both here. I was also laughing at how my wish came true, about seeing Yuki.

"I'm here for a concert tour. I just got the information after you left. Funny huh…?"

Yuki didn't say anything like he was trying to hide something. I didn't know why he was being so quite for. But I gave it a try to go in his room so we could talk more. Suddenly I'm stopped, and he blocks me from entering.

"Uh… Sorry, but could I come in for a while… Yuki"

I felt a little bit acquired asking him, but then I soon realized why he did so.

"Oh Yuki… Who's at the door?"

_A woman's voice…? Does that mean that Yuki's CHEATING on me?_

Suddenly there's a woman by Yuki's side, standing there with her hand on his shoulder. I couldn't believe this was happening again. I started to take a step back trying not to fall apart, and hoping for an explanation from Yuki.

"Who's this Yuki?"

I watch her put her arms around him, as my stomach and throat tighten up. Slowly twisting up, as I try to hold back the tears. I turn my eyes away from the woman and look at Yuki.

"Why… Yuki… I thought-…"

He stares at me not being able to say anything. I could suddenly feel the liquid going down my face, as I stared at Yuki.

_**To Be Continued…**_


	8. Chapter 8

**It's Not Over**

**There was once a time I trusted you. I gave you everything I could do in my power. Even though it wasn't a lot you still gave me a smile. But now you destroyed everything we had. In the end was it all just dirty lies? Were you just deceiving me instead of loving me? I wish I could hate you more then ever now. I wish I could if only my heart would let me…**

"Why… Yuki… I thought-"

The tears started going down my face, and so did the pain in my heart. I could feel the darkness calling out my name, and it whispered gently to me the words of despair. My body was frozen, but I wanted to run away. Run so far from my twisted reality.

"Aw his crying, what you do to him… My dear Yuki…?"

_My dear Yuki…? How dare call him that…_

The woman giggles, and whispers something in Yuki's ear. I step back once more, and turned to run. My thoughts of what's the best thing to do seem to blur out. I couldn't think straight. All I could do was run away.

"Wait Shuichi…"

With my back turned I stop and listened to his voice that trapped me. The tears didn't stop, and either did the pain in side my heart.

"I'm S-"

"I don't want to hear it…!"

I knew what he was going to say. I knew it was the word _sorry_, but I couldn't stand to hear it. I was tried of the same old lie, but theirs a side of me that what's to believe what his saying is true. And that's the side of me that would always let him in.

"I know what you're going to say. I know it by heart now that it runs over, and over in my head. But Yuki…"

I quickly turn towards Yuki with tears going down my face.

"… I don't think that's going to work anymore."

I turned back around, and started to run down the hall. I could hear Yuki calling out my name, but I couldn't stop this time. Not even if it's the voice I love so much. I press the elevator button, and waited for the doors to open. I could hear his voice still. The elevator door opens letting me in. I turn around to see Yuki coming towards the elevator, towards me, but before he could get in, the doors closed. But for a brief second our eyes met, and that's when I seen the sadness in his eyes, and his regret. I fall to my knees, and banged on the silver doors of the elevator. The tears continued down my face, while I wait for the elevator to get to the main floor.

_Yuki please don't look at me like that when I'm feeling like this…_

My mind twisted around the reality that is mine. And I started to crumble inside, as my heart began to throb. The elevator doors opened to my freedom in to death. Once they opened I could see Hiro coming towards the elevator. I decided to run, and avoid Hiro I didn't want to face any one. I just wanted to disappear. To have every thing around me just fade away, and have reality far away from me. I stepped out of the elevator and started running. I looked at Hiro, and seen the smile on his face when he seen me. But I couldn't stop I didn't want to face him, not like this. So I did what I planned, and passed Hiro hoping he wouldn't notice my tears.

"Hey Shuichi-"

_I'm sorry Hiro I just can't talk to you… Not when I'm like this again._

Then as I expected I heard Hiro's voice calling out to me, but I ignored him and raced on. Suddenly I heard someone else calling out to me, but much closer and louder, as I was about to exit the hotel.

"SHUICHI"!

The voice that I loved called out my name as if heartbroken as me. I knew who it was, and I knew the words he was going to say. But I couldn't dare turn and look, because I didn't want to be hurt anymore. I ran out side the exit doors, and ignore that he ever called me. I ignored that Yuki was ever there, but before I couldn't even leave the area. I could suddenly feel an embrace behind me. He held me gently, but at the same time tightly as if afraid to lose me.

"Shuichi don't run from me… Please!"

_Yuki…_

I could feel his heart pounding from coming after me. His arms held me close to his chest. I didn't say anything and waited for what he had to say. I could hear Hiro's voice coming towards us.

"Eiri Yuki what are you doing here? What's going on? What have you done to Shuichi? ... Shuichi…?"

Hiro's voice sounded concerned when he spoke to me, but when he spoke towards Yuki his voice sounded of anger. I didn't want to stay and explain anything, because I knew it would bring out the darkness and pain. And I knew that it would bring out such feelings only bring me closer to wanting death. I wanted to die, but his embrace, his voice wouldn't let me. I was trapped by my twisted love for Yuki.

"Yuki let me go… please don't do this to me. I don't want to love you; I don't want to feel this pain I have for you… Yuki…"

My feels turned in to tears that fell on to Yuki's scented shirt of woman's perfume. I felt sick smelling the scent of betrayal on him. I gulped up the courage to tare away from Yuki's strong hold.

"YUKI LET ME GO!"

I ripped away from Yuki and turned around to face the man I loved. And to stare at him with my broke heart, but when I faced him I couldn't bare to say anything to him. His eyes had a deep sadness as mine did, but at the same time cruelty and nothingness.

"I love you Shuichi, and I'm not letting you go. You belong to me."

My body stared to shake at how Yuki responded towards me, and at how his voice spoke to me. I stepped back afraid of the words he might say to me, to keep me trapped in his cage. I could suddenly hear Hiro's voice becoming angrier.

"What are you saying to Shuichi? His not your pet to keep locked in a cage. You can't do this to him. Can't you see your hurting him!"

A smile crossed Yuki's face, and I was stricken with a scene of fear.

"That's where you're wrong. He belonged to me the day he said he loved me… Now Shuichi isn't that true? You love me don't you?"

His question pained me as if trying to say that I was the one at fault. He spoke to me with out looking or glancing anywhere else, as if to trap me with his eyes. My mind wondered about what he could be thinking, but I couldn't read him. Hiro started to walk towards Yuki. Once he got close enough he held on to his shoulder, and spoke to Yuki with anger.

"Leave Shuichi alone I won't have you hurting him anymore."

Suddenly as if this were a dream Yuki threw his arm towards Hiro face causing his arm to hit him. I held my hands to my face in shock. I watched Hiro fall to the grounded, as Yuki glance towards Hiro with anger.

"Don't you dare touch me, and tell me what to do. I won't ever listen to the likes of you."

I wanted to run, but I didn't know why I didn't. Suddenly but expectedly Yuki looked back at me with a gentle smile.

"Now Shuichi don't get me angry, I don't want to hurt you either. Can't you see you hurt me as well? You say you loved me, but yet you push me away for you. And then you go and say you don't want to love me. How did you expect me to react?"

He starts to walk towards me with the smile I loved, but feared so much right now. I stepped slowly not wanting his touch, and feared that he might tear me apart with his words.

"Yuki why are you saying this… I didn't mean… I mean I just… You hurt me too!"

I was confused to what I was supposed to say, and what I was supposed to do. How could I just walk in his arms knowing this fear? What does he expect from me?

"Now I know I hurt you, but it doesn't me I don't love you. Why are you trying to avoid me? Isn't this, what you wanted is for me to love you?"

I didn't want to answer I was afraid now to say anything to him. I was afraid he might twist my words, as he is doing now. I didn't know this Yuki, and this isn't the Yuki that I loved.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE! DON"T YOU TALK TO HIM LIKE THAT! HE ISN'T THE ONE AT FAULT HERE, YOU ARE!"

Hiro glances towards Yuki with a glare. My guess that Hiro knew what was going on; there was no need for me to explain myself. Hiro was here to protect me from falling part again.

"Shut up I'm not speaking with you. So why don't you just stay out of this?"

Hiro steps up and takes his bold stances. He glances at me and then looks at Yuki. My tears are gone, but I could still feel the throbbing pain inside my chest. This hurt and this new developed fear from Yuki.

_**To Be Continued…**_


	9. Chapter 9

**The feelings you feel for me.**

**The deep pain was nothing more then the darkness to you. I hurt you more then you probably could have ever hurt me. I wish I knew what to do, or that I could just turn back time so that this wouldn't have ever happened. I wish a wish so you wouldn't hurt anymore then I do now. What is there left, but to say "I'm sorry"…**

"Shut up I'm not speaking with you. So why don't you just stay out of this?"

The angry in his voice towards Hiro meant that he didn't want him to be a part of this argument. I watch them, as I stood there hoping that I could find the courage to run from **this** Yuki. I want to and ignore what he ever said, but I can't help but feel that I'm the one at fault here. And that I'm not the only one hurting. I stare at Yuki waiting for those eyes to gaze upon me once more. Yuki turns to look at me, and suddenly in that moment our eyes met.

"Now Shuichi Come to me, and lets forget this crusade. I'm tried and I don't need to be bothered by your meaningless antics."

He smiled, and reached out his hand to me. I started to quiver and shake like I was scared, but was I really. If it was Yuki I thought I could love him no matter what or how he acts. But I never thought that I could ever be afraid of him, was it even possible to fear the person you loved. I gazed upon the stranger that I loved not know what he might do or say, and hoped to see the person I fell in love with.

"Shuichi you don't have to go with him. It's alright to come with me… Shuichi…?"

I glanced at Hiro my best friend, and then back at the person who I loved the most in this world, Yuki. Yuki pulls towards his hand to his chest making a fist in the process. I gulped, and looked at Yuki who was turning around towards Hiro. I could see how angry he was, as he raised his fist ready to hit Hiro once again. I jumped in front if Hiro embracing myself for the impact. My actions were to fast for Yuki to stop him self, and he hit me instead of the Hiro. I fall to the ground a little stunned to suddenly feel the pain in my stomach.

"Wow Yuki, I never really know you could hit so hard."

I started to laugh at the situation I was in, like I was trying to make this moment better. I looked up at Yuki, as I tried to stand up.

"Shuichi…I'm-"

I place my hand on Yuki's shoulder stopping him from saying anything.

"It's alright… I was being stupi-"

Suddenly I could feel gravity pulling on me. Bring me to the ground. I could hear Yuki calling out my name, as well as my best friend. But only for a moment until the world fade away leaving me in complete darkness.

_Why can't everything just remain as a happy dream…? I hope that my dream could come true… so me, and Yuki could be happy, together. That's be nice wouldn't it, Yuki?_

I was surrounded in darkness, and I could feel warmth that reminded me of a feeling I felt before. Then I could hear a voice whisper my name, so gently and smooth that it left me feeling a little bit nostalgic.

"Shuichi I'm sorry…"

I slowly opened my eyes to realize that I was in a room with a white ceiling. I glanced over towards the warmth that held on to my hand tightly. It was Yuki, and he looked so sad that it bought me to tears. I wanted to call out his name, but could bring myself to, as Yuki held my hand with his head down. A warm liquid streams down my face, as I gazed upon Yuki.

"Shuichi… I love you I really do, and sometimes I get scared that one day… I'll lose you. I don't want to lose someone important… I-"

_Yuki…_

I reached over to touch him, but in that moment he lifts his head. I could feel how torn up Yuki was once I seen the expression on his face. I was speechless as I looked upon Yuki's sad face, while the tears continued to flow down my face for his sadness. Yuki suddenly breaks the silences with a question.

"Shuichi what's wrong, are you alright, are you still hurting? I'll go get you some pain killers-"

He gets up thinking I was hurt about to leave me alone, until I grabbed on to his white shirt. I whispered his name clinging to him hoping he would stay. I looked up at him, telling him not to leave. He sits back down on the chair he was once sitting in again.

"Are you sure you don't want-"

"No I'm fine, I wasn't crying because I was in pain."

He looks at me confused a little, as I tried to sit up.

"I was crying, because I seen how sad I made you feel..."

I looked away not wanting to make eye contact, because I was a little embarrassed for what I said. I glanced down at my wrist to notice, that the bandages were gone! I tried not to look too surprised, and placed my wrist under the covers. I then wiped away my tears with my other hand, trying to make it look like I wasn't bother by the bandages being gone. But for some reason I felt that Yuki knew, and I hoped that he wouldn't say anything, and maybe hoped he didn't see.

"So, um anyway where'd Hiro go…? Um what happened again…?"

I changed the subject by talking about earlier which didn't help much, because earlier wasn't good either. But it was he only first thing that came to mind. I got up the courage to look at Yuki who seem to have seen through my distraction, by asking a question.

"Shuichi why did you hurt yourself"?

I looked down tried not to be upset, by the realization that I tried to kill myself. Not only that, but now Yuki knows that I tried too. I didn't ever want Yuki to know or find out. I thought I could keep it secret and maybe they would just disappear, like the ugly feelings I had.

"Um so where'd Hiro go…? I was wonder if you two made up or something."

I tried to avoid the question I didn't want to answer, and asked him simple questions, and hoped that he would answer them. I glanced back up seeing Yuki with an expression of anger, and that's when I knew that Yuki was mad at me.

"Don't try to avoid the question… I want an answer! Shuichi why did you do something so stupid"?

I couldn't make eye contact now that I felt ashamed for what I did to myself. I couldn't even say anything, but maybe deny what he was saying. That's when I decided to play dumb, and act that I didn't know what he was say. I looked up at him as I sat down, and smiled.

"What do you mean? I didn't hurt myself, I'm fine, and I'm perfectly fine… Yuki"

I laughed trying to make the tension in the room fade away. Suddenly and very unexpectedly the wrist I was hiding was grabbed, and lifts me in to the air, causing me to stand. Soon I was facing Yuki as he stared straight at me making eye contact. I became speechless as he held my arm in the air.

"Don't play dumb with me Shuichi! Can't you see how badly you hurt yourself? Don't you Shuichi?"

I looked away not wanting to accept what I did. Not wanting him to care for once, because it made me regret so much. I could feel his fingers on my healing cuts, and that made me want to forcedly tare away from his grip.

"Yuki please not now, could you let me go… I don't want to talk about this ok…"

I wanted to run away from the subject, because I didn't want to place the blame on him. I didn't want him to feel regretful or maybe if I said it was him. Maybe he would leave me once again. So in fear I didn't answer hims, and tried to hold myself together. Suddenly I could feel the pressure of his hand getting tighter, forcing me to feel pain.

"Shuichi don't you dare… make excuses."

As I looked away I closed my eyes hoping that this wasn't happening, and hope a little that Yuki would leave.

"Ow, you're hurting me…"

"Well maybe if- if"

He swings my arm down, and turned away from me to only show his back. I could feel how choked up I felt in my throat, and watched him pick up the bandages were on the bed. He sighs as if letting out the anger he felt.

"Shuichi… You don't have to say anything, because it's like you to keep something _like this_ to yourself. You're probably just trying to protect the idiot that drove you to the edge… right?

I lifted my hand that was once holding on to my wrist. I was about to reach out to him, but suddenly became straddled that I was bleeding. I could feel as dreadful feelings that made me want to panic. Yuki turns around to look at me, but I was to slow to hide my arm.

"I'm sorry… Yuki, you're right. I was trying to protect you, but only because I-."

I could feel pain and regret over flow inside me. I watched Yuki's face turn pale as he seen my wrist. He glances at his hand, and then starts to walk towards me in a panic.

"I'm-"

I could hear Yuki wanting to apologize, but he couldn't make the word come out. He looked at me arm, and then turns away to search for a first-aid kit. I could hear he talk to himself about the possible where a bout's for the first-aid. I could see him panicking, as he looked.

"Damn it! Where is it? I know hotels keep things like that somewhere…"

"Yuki… it's alright, I have extra bandages… Yuki…?"

That didn't cause him to slow, or calm down. He still continued in his panic for something he couldn't find. I walked over towards him as he looked under the bed.

"Yuki…"

I grab on to his shoulder to have him quickly turn around to face me. I could see the desperation on his face, and it made me feel nothing, but regret. I placed my hand on his face to calm him down from the panic I made him go through.

"I'm Sorry Yuki…"

I stared in to him eyes as I felt guilty for trying to kill myself. I knew that it was the biggest mistake I could have done to hurt the one I loved. I embraced him hoping he wouldn't start hating himself for my stupid, selfish actions. I could feel little bits of liquid falling down on to my shirt, and that's when I knew that Yuki was crying for me. I continued to hold on to him, as I heard him whisper the words I wanted to hear for the longest time.

"I love you… Shuichi…"

_**To Be Continued…**_


End file.
